Good King Dick
As performed by Joni Minstrel
on Joni Minstrel Kicks the King
Lyrics and music by Lindsay Smith

Good King Richard is off on the crusades.
His brother, Prince John, has usurped his place.
Now some curry favor with the new man on the throne
While others bide their time till Richard comes home.

And when it’s been decided who the king will be,
He’ll still have all the land, leaving none for you and me.
Given this condition, does it matter which we pick:
Evil Prince John, or good King Dick?

Prince John is a sissy who wears women’s clothes
And counts his piles of money while the servants wipe his nose.
Richard seems more dignified and much less deranged,
But he still hoards all the gold and makes us beg for his change.

And when it’s been decided who the king will be,
He’ll still have all the money, leaving none for you and me.
Given this condition, does it matter which we pick:
Evil Prince John or good King Dick?

We’ll send Prince John packing; of that I have no doubt,
But we’ll have a bigger problem just as soon as he’s cleared out.
Richard will return to resume his royal reign.
He’s a very good king, but he’s a Dick all the same.

And when it’s been decided who the king will be,
He’ll still have all the power, leaving none for you and me.
Given this condition, does it matter which we pick:
Evil Prince John or good King Dick?

Should we stab Prince John or set him on fire?
You grab a sword, and I’ll light the pyre.
Then we’ll find King Richard, and we’ll cut him to the quick.
Let’s make a souvenir and call it Dick On a Stick.

And when it’s been decided who the king will be,
He’ll still have all the food, leaving none for you and me.
Given this condition, does it matter which we pick:
Evil Prince John or good King Dick?


Background by Joni Minstrel: This song incorporates all my favorite Ren Faire tricks: it tells a story, it's innocently naughty, and even the non-singers in the audience can participate in the chorus. I wrote this song because it was topical; our scenario that year was Robin Hood, with King Richard in disguise as a peasant and Prince John claiming the throne for himself.

If there is anything I've missed, any information that you know to be incorrect, or if there is a song you've heard on the podcast that you would like to see included, please do not hesitate to contact me at lyrics@renaissancefestivalmusic.com.