Beat Me
As Performed by The Bedlam Bards on Take Out the Trash
Lyrics and music by Ramon Fallenstar
Arrangement by The Bedlam Bards



Oh lassie, come beat me, come beat me,
Oh lassie come tie me up too.
Oh lassie, come beat me, come beat me,
You’ve not done it right if we’re not black and blue.

When I was a young smith, I went to a farm house,
I went to a farm house a horse for to shoe.
A lovely young mistress called me to her chambers,
And asked if I’d answer a question or two.

Said she, “I’m a lady and you are a smithy,
You have brought your hammer and anvil with you.”
Well I looks on the bed and see whips, chains and shackles,
And reassures her that I knows what to do.

She grabbed me. She kissed me. She patted my fannie.
She said, “You do me love, and then I’ll do you.”
I whipped her. I spanked her. I bit on her belly
And raised up some welts that were purplish blue.

From sundown to sunrise we fancied each other.
We fancied each other, O Lord it was true.
Come morning the cock crowed. We stared at each other
And realized then we’d forgotten to screw.

(Additional verse by James ap Benyl)

I tipped her. I tupped her. She barked like a puppy.
Spike collar and garters, O Lord what a view.
I haven’t a notion when she put them on me,
But I’ll wear them again if she wants me to.

Background by The Bedlam Bards: Often a songwriter gains inspiration from a fair lady; what does this say about the woman who inspired Ramon Fallenstar's immortal chorus: "O, lassie, come beat me, come beat me / O, lassie come tie me up, too / O, lassie, come beat me, come beat me / We've no' done it right if we're not black and blue"? The Bedlam Bards recording of Beat Me is the only one commercially available. Joyce had to tie down Ramon (well, almost) to get him to sing it into a tape recorder so Cedric and Hawke could learn it. Juxtaposing high culture with smut, the Bards throw a lovely mandola/guitar rendition of the Playford dance tune Grimstock in between verses of this song.

"BEAT ME" LYRICS NOW AVAILABLE IN SWEDISH!

Aw froeken come slow may come slow may
Aw froeken come been-d near may noo (se)
Aw froeken come slow may come slow may
Se (ven) til at yag bleer svart ock blah hoerro do

Nahr yag vahr (th) en oong smehd, yag yick til (th) en herr-guard
Yag yick til (th) en herr-guard for at scoo (t) (th) en hest
(th) en oong vacker kve-na droug in may pa ro-met
Ock frawgade may vad yag tick-te oom best

(w) ho-n sa, do are en smehd ock yag are (th) en kve-na
Do har tag-it ham-are ock stay-d mehd day
Pa sehng-en lawg pisskor ock chedyor ock feng-sel
yag sah-de "Yeah baby I know how to play"

(w) ho-n droug near meat who-woo-d near til see-nah laepp-ar
ock sah do chena mey foerst sehn ska yag chena day
(w) ho-n pisska may sloug may ock bet i mean mah-ge
Ock res-te up mark-en av blah lila fer-j

Fran gr-y-ning til sk-y-mning wii lekt-eh med wa-rand-ra (hard 'y' like in 'likely' or 'totally')
Wii lekt med wa-rand-ra aw guh-d oh la la
nar morgonen come tit-a-wii pa wa-rand-ra
Ock in-sawg at wii had-e glam-t at *knulla* (bad bad word that I cover up by clearing my throat)

Additional Verse:

Yag droug near na pa seng-en (w) ho-n span some (th) en (w) ho-n-cat
Ih raff-sett and cop-el aw guh-d will-ken s-y-n (hard ıyı)
Huu-r (w) ho-n fick deht pa mey deht foerstar yag in-te
Mehn yag yoer deht iyen ya yag are opportune

Why I wrote the translation of "Beat Me" by Peter Johansson: I was at work and I guess I was bored, and then 'Beat Me' started playing. To stave off boredom I started to translate the song (which I had already memorized for parties, etc). Much to my surprise I found that I was able to make a singable version.
Now I had to make some small alterations to the text in order to make it scan properly but I think I managed to keep it more or less intact. The biggest change I made was in the third verse. In my version it is the lady that spanks the smith. I did this to avoid being pummeled by female friends of mine
In the latest version I wrote I changed Flicka to Froeken. This is becuase flicka in some parts of Sweden means 'girl, young woman' but in other parts it only means 'young girl'. That wasn't all that good so I changed it to Froeken which is an old Swedish word that means 'young unwed woman' or even better 'female teacher'.

If there is anything I've missed, any information that you know to be incorrect, or if there is a song you've heard on the podcast that you would like to see included, please do not hesitate to contact me at lyrics@renaissancefestivalmusic.com.